Relationship Challenge: Unforgiveness

by Les Palmer, Celebrate Recovery

Imagine a Christian woman who has walked with Jesus and sought joy in her life; yet, she still harbored unforgiveness toward her mother who passed away ten years ago. Her mother could not hurt her anymore, except in her own mind. It turns out that the key to the joy she sought was in her control the whole time. 

We see the effects of unforgiveness quite often: a hurt that is too great to even imagine, a decision made that defies logic, or a wound that festers and seems unable to heal. Whether we experience unforgiveness of others or unforgiveness of ourselves, the damage is significant and it colors our sense of trust in ourselves, others, and God.  

Unforgiveness sits like a weight on our chest and it robs us of our joy. It establishes a framework of decision-making that limits our choices and feeds even more regrets. In short, unforgiveness hardens our hearts, and it is part of the reason for Christ’s mission on this earth. As Isaiah 61:1 says, “He came to heal the brokenhearted…to free the captives.” In many ways we are our own jailers; we are captives of our unforgiveness. Romans 12:19 says, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Yet, while many of us would never consider actually seeking revenge on those who’ve hurt us, we still foster the unforgiveness, ultimately taking vengeance on ourselves. As the saying goes, unforgiveness is like taking poison and hoping the other person becomes ill. We mistakenly use unforgiveness as a shield to protect ourselves rather than establishing effective boundaries. 

What kinds of hurt could cause such difficulty? We can experience many forms of hurt throughout life in childhood or as adults like abuse and neglect or we can encounter betrayals that leave us speechless. We can make rash decisions that lead to unforeseen consequences or we can experience fear so intense it causes us to run from confrontation. We can also experience disappointment in ourselves and others to the point that it seems impossible to find our way back or we can see our hopes and dreams destroyed. Life offers us many opportunities for unforgiveness, yet in Christ we can find healing and our way back to joy. Celebrate Recovery is tailored specifically to heal broken hearts. If you would like someone to walk beside you in this challenge, please contact us today.

Celebrate Recovery is a 12-step faith-based program that helps individuals heal from a variety of hurts, hang-ups and habits. We do it in an atmosphere of acceptance and without judgement. Celebrate Recovery meets every Thursday night, beginning at 6 p.m. at Ridgecrest Baptist Church in Springfield, Missouri.