Relationship Challenge: Living in the Gap

by Les Palmer, Celebrate Recovery

The other day someone said, “Wow, I feel like I’m living in the gap!” Living in the gap is something that many of us do without realizing it. So, “What is the gap?,” you say. The gap is the space between expectations and reality. We all have certain expectations of how our life needs to unfold or how those close to us need to respond to our wants and needs. Many times life doesn’t conform to our expectations and certainly those close to us seem oblivious to our needs and wants.  When that happens we find ourselves “living in the gap.”

It’s easy to overcommit to projects or become overwhelmed by events in our lives. When that happens, we need to either change our expectations, change the reality, or change a little of both simultaneously. We can not, however, live in the gap for an extended period of time.  Frustration over time leads to a resentment which then leads to a sense of entitlement. Once we go down the road of entitlement we play directly into Satan’s hands. Didn’t Satan play on Eve’s sense of entitlement? She could eat from any tree in the garden except one. Satan said to her, “You’ll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil.” And so she did and we still experience the consequences of her behavior.

We can see many examples in the Bible of how a sense of entitlement leads to unwelcome outcomes. From Sarah, impatient with childbearing, to David, feeling entitled to sleep with Bathsheba, we see how God allows our imperfections to dictate our behavior. Satan is all too happy to have us visit the playground of unfulfilled expectations. 

Stuff happens in life, most of it outside our direct control. Understanding how to navigate the expectations can make all the difference in the world. The motivational speaker Jim Rohn put it this way, “It is the set of the sails, not the direction of the wind that determines which way we will go.” If the wind changes, we don’t curse the wind, we reset the sails. The Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “It's not the facts and events that upset man, but the view he takes of them.”  Change the view and you change the level of frustration. The Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:6, “ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

Yet, we are creatures of habit. It takes effort and energy to change the way we view things. When we are in the gap it is hard for us to offer grace to those closest to us which can compound our frustration even more. In Celebrate Recovery, we provide the tools and support important to finding a greater sense of serenity in your life.

If you would like help managing your expectations, we invite you to join us for Celebrate Recovery. We meet every Thursday night, beginning at 6 p.m. at Ridgecrest Baptist Church in Springfield, Missouri.